Post by Thorsen (Aemon) on Jan 17, 2004 13:56:30 GMT -5
So I shamlessly edited a funny e-mail, sue me 
(replace Empire with America and you'll understand)
1. Only in The Empire . can a pizza get to
your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in The Empire.......are there
handicap parking places in front of a
skating rink.
3. Only in The Empire......do drugstores
make the sick walk all the way to the
back of the store to get their
prescriptions while healthy people can buy
cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in The Empire......do people order
double cheeseburgers, large fries,
and a diet coke.
5. Only in The Empire......do banks leave
both doors open and then chain the
pens to the counters.
6. Only in The Empire.....do we leave cars
worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the
garage.
7. Only in The Empire we use
answering machines to screen calls and
then have call waiting so we won't miss a
call from someone we didn't want
to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in The Empire...do we buy hot
dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight.
9. Only in The Empire......do we use the
word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Greek meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in The Empire......do they have
drive-up ATM machines with Braille
lettering.
EVER WONDER
Why the sun lightens our hair, but
darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline!
"Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do
"practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you
have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial
flavor, and dishwashing liquid made
with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest
traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved
tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two
mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for
lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box
that is used on airplanes? Why don't
they make the whole plane out of that
stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when
they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is
Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call
the airport the terminal?
(replace Empire with America and you'll understand)1. Only in The Empire . can a pizza get to
your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in The Empire.......are there
handicap parking places in front of a
skating rink.
3. Only in The Empire......do drugstores
make the sick walk all the way to the
back of the store to get their
prescriptions while healthy people can buy
cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in The Empire......do people order
double cheeseburgers, large fries,
and a diet coke.
5. Only in The Empire......do banks leave
both doors open and then chain the
pens to the counters.
6. Only in The Empire.....do we leave cars
worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the
garage.
7. Only in The Empire we use
answering machines to screen calls and
then have call waiting so we won't miss a
call from someone we didn't want
to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in The Empire...do we buy hot
dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight.
9. Only in The Empire......do we use the
word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Greek meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in The Empire......do they have
drive-up ATM machines with Braille
lettering.
EVER WONDER
Why the sun lightens our hair, but
darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline!
"Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do
"practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you
have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial
flavor, and dishwashing liquid made
with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest
traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved
tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two
mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for
lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box
that is used on airplanes? Why don't
they make the whole plane out of that
stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when
they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is
Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call
the airport the terminal?
